She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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