i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
