I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
