The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
