First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
