U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had to cum in my sink.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
