i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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