She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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