All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
