grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize