I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
