Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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