you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
