I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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