You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
