Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
