Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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