I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
