Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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