He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
