I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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