Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Randomize
