i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
