She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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