weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
