he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
