So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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