Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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