I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
