Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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