1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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