while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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