I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
