If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
