I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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