My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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