apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
