Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
