I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
