Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize