so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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