Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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