He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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