glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
