there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
