Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
