apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize