K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
