dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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