Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
