At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
