not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
