**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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