My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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