drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
