I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
