this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
