In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize