I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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