So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
