im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
