i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
