Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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