Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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