Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
