when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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