just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
