You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
