Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
