So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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