I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
