Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize